Without Nitāi—there is no Gaura
We have to think—what are we representing? We hear that self deprecation and negative expression is the wealth of a Vaiṣṇava. So, we shouldn’t be afraid of expressing the depths of our own negativity. But at the same time we have to think of our Guru-varga, their wealth and their position. So, Śrīla Guru Mahārāj quoted Śrīla Kṛṣṇadās Kavirāj Goswāmī many times, saying:
jagāi mādhāi haite muñi se pāpiṣṭha
purīṣera kīṭa haite muñi se laghiṣṭha
(Chaitanya-charitāmṛta, Ādi, līlā, 5.205)
“I’m more sinful then Jagāi and Mādhāi, and I’m lower then a worm in the stool.” But at the same time he said, “But, what I’m writing in this Chaitanya-charitāmṛtam about Śrī Chaitanya Mahāprabhu—there is nothing higher than this. There is no-one one lower than me. Someone who is as fallen as myself can be an instrument, the weapon for expression of the highest thing by the mercy of the Lord and His devotees.”
nityānanda bole kṛpa avatāra
He says, “I’m ashamed to say this, I’m shy to tell it, but Nityānanda Prabhu came to me once in a dream, or in a vision. Because my relative, he didn’t properly appreciate the position of Nityānanda Prabhu and I chastised him for that. He thought it’s enough that he has some appreciation for Mahāprabhu, but for Nityānanda Prabhu, he thinks it’s unnecessary to have that same appreciation for Him.”
But we hear: vidyā-kule ki koribe tāra, Narottam Ṭhākur saying: “If you don’t appreciate the position of Nityānanda Prabhu, then what is your learning, your high family connection is all useless.”
heno nitāi bine bhāi, rādhā-kṛṣṇa pāite nāi,
nitāiyer koruṇā habe, braje rādhā-kṛṣṇa pābe,
Without the mercy of Nityānanda Prabhu there is no possibility of entering that higher plane of Vṛndavān. So, Kavirāj Goswāmī told his brother, he said: “Your philosophy is ardha-kukkuṭī-nyāya or half-hen philosophy.”
Half-hen philosophy means, there is the side of the chicken that gives the egg and you are interested in that. But the mouth side, the side that you have to feed—you’re not interested because that costs something. The flaw in that is that where there is no feeding, there is no egg.
You think, really, without the mercy of Nityānanda Prabhu, without Nitāi—there is no Gaura. And these feelings, these sentiments they were like a volcanic eruption when they came out of Kaviraj Goswāmī. And maybe he was a little surprised by what he spoke and that he spoke with such force.
But that night in a dream Nityānanda Prabhu appeared to him. And we are told that Nityānanda Prabhu was there in a very deep state of divine intoxication, swaying back and forth and dressed very beautifully. And He was chanting in a deep voice: “Kṛṣṇa, Kṛṣṇa…” and surrounded by His eternal servitors. He had a big flower garland, and many bees, who are also great sages, they are taking honey from the lotus feet of Nityānanda Prabhu. It’s a very intoxicated scene.
And He said, “Kṛṣṇadās, you go to Vṛndavān.” And Kaviraj Goswāmī awoke very happy, saying, “Oh, I’ve been given entrance to Vṛndavān by Nityānanda Prabhu.” And He said, “Kṛṣṇadās, there you will get everything.”
So, when Kṛṣṇadās Kavirāj Goswāmī went to Vṛndāvan, what happened? He got the association of Raghunāth dās Goswāmī. And from him he got everything. He got the whole Chaitanya-charitāmṛta, which is the greatest theological book. Guru Mahārāj says, “In all time and space and all of the creations.” That book all comes from the notes of Svarūp Dāmodar Goswāmī.
So, Raghunāth dās got all the wealth, the svarūp bhāṇḍār, the treasury of Svarūp. The whole wealth of Mahāprabhu is deposited with Svarūp Dāmodar and he gave that to Raghunāth dās Goswāmī. And Raghunāth dās Goswāmī in turn delivered that, the whole wealth through Kṛṣṇadās Kaviraj Goswāmī. And Kaviraj Goswāmī with the blessings of the Vaiṣṇavas and the confirmation from Madan Mohan Vigrahā, began writing the Chaitanya-charitāmṛta.
And he says, he is amazed at that time, because he is well into his nineties and he has arthritis and he can’t see, he is legally blind, but he is writing the greatest theistic book ever made. He is saying, “How is that possible? Some divine power is coming down and it’s moving my hand. Rādhā Madan Mohan, they are causing me to write all this things.”
Rāmānanda Rāy says, “His position is the same, I’m like a bīṇā (string instrument). As you play me, that’s the sound that everyone hears. You are playing me like an instrument.”
And in the very beginning of that Rāmānanda-saṁvad Kaviraj Goswāmī gives a beautiful śloka:
sañchārya rāmābhidha-bhakta-meghe
sva-bhakti-siddhānta-chayāmṛtāni
Kaviraj Goswāmī says, “Who is Mahāprabhu—He is the bhakti-siddhānta-chayāmṛtāni, He is the nectarean ocean of bhakti-siddhānta, that is who Mahāprabhu is. Then who is Rāmānanda? Like a cloud. An ocean creates a cloud. So, from the nectarean ocean of bhakti-siddhānta the cloud bhakta-meghe the devotional cloud of Rāmānanda appeared above that ocean. Then what did he do? He showered unlimited nectar back on the ocean of bhakti-siddhānta, the nectarine ocean of bhakti-siddhānta. This is the real cloud. Now everyone is talking about cloud, this is the real cloud you want to know about. Bhakta-meghe, the devotees become nectar clouds. And they are showering nectar on anyone, who has the ears to catch that matter.
But really that is the beauty of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. That whatever appreciation we have for this is also a gift from Guru. It’s not that we have some independent capacity, they are gifting us the capacity to appreciate what it is that they are giving. That’s why we are hopeful. Because we are thinking, “Oh, I’ll never understand.” Yes, like that jagāi mādhāi haite... who am I to appreciate this?
One time Guru Mahārāj said, “Mahāprabhu took sannyās, and then he goes to Purī. Firstly he is in his divine madness, chanting.”
hāhā kṛṣṇa prāṇa-nātha vrajendra-nandana!
kāhāṅ yāṅa kāhāṅ pāṅa, muralī-vadana!
(Chaitanya-charitāmṛta, Antya-līlā, 12.5)
He is chanting, “Where is Kṛṣṇa?!” He is running, searching for Kṛṣṇa in divine madness. Guru Mahārāj said it is like He is ‘in a child-like state.’ But then, after some time, he goes to Purī and sees Jagannāth. There, when he meets with Sārvabhauma Bhaṭṭāchārya, who is the greatest thinker of the day, Sārvabhauma in scholarly arrogance is thinking, “Oh, this boy, He is so charming, I think, if I teach Him, I can upgrade Him to a higher understanding.”
And he is talking to Mahāprabhu every day for seven days about Vedanta and very excitedly presenting it and very comprehensively. But he notices that Mahāprabhu is not giving any indication that He is comprehending what is being said. So, he thinks, “Maybe it is a little too high for Him…” and says, “Please give some indication that You understand what I’m saying.”
Mahāprabhu says, “I understand Vedanta, I just don’t understand what you are saying.”
And Sārvabhauma is shocked, “What! This young boy is telling me Vāsudev Sārvabhauma Baṭṭācharya, the biggest scholar in India…”
He doesn’t know that when Mahāprabhu was posing as a primary teacher in Nabadwīp that he defeated Keśava Kāśmīrī, greatest of scholars. When they were walking on the Gaṅga, Nimāi Paṇḍit, His young disciples and Keśava Kāśmīrī, they told that Keśava Kāśmīrī is the favorite son of the goddess Sarasvatī. So in great creative mood, he started off and he composed on the spot one hundred ślokas in praise of Mother Gaṅgā.
Even he was surprised with his tongue, saying all this things. One hundred original complicated complex Sanskrit ślokas composed on the spot. So he’s thinking, “Do you know, I am…” And Mahāprabhu says, “And in this particular verse, I’d like you to explain that.” And then He quotes it.
Then Keśava Kāśmīrī is thinking, “I don’t even know if I remember all of them, and He remembered it. Is that an error, a mistake?”
And there, Mahāprabhu shows some fault in the presentation regarding Lord Śiva and his wife. Anyway, at that time, Keśava Kaśmīrī realized that Mahāprabhu is divinity. So, here again, when Mahāprabhu met with Sārvabhauma, the tables turn. Now Mahāprabhu upgrades Sārvabhauma Baṭṭācharya to His Kṛṣṇa conception, because it’s not about scholarship, it’s about mercy.
athāpi te deva padāmbuja-dvaya-
prasāda-leśānugṛhīta eva hi
(Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, 10.14.29)
Prasād means mercy. Prasāda leśa means, if you get a little bit of prasād, a little bit of mercy, then the infinite can be revealed. So, Mahāprabhu was merciful to Sārvabhayma Bhaṭṭāchārya. And then in the end Sārvabhauma felt some remorse and some guilt thinking, “Oh, previously this Rāmānanda sometimes I was marking him: ‘Oh, he is a Vaiṣṇava. Now I can understand, what kind of Vaiṣṇava he is, the highest type of Vaiṣṇava and I couldn’t appreciate that before.’”
So, he told Mahāprabhu as He was preparing for His tour of South India, “You should definitely visit Rāmānanda Rāy, when you’ll go to Godāvari.” And that’s where the Rāmānanda-saṁvād took place. So, then after the tour of South India and everyone He met, whatever their religious connection was, He demonstrated the superiority of Kṛṣṇa Conception.
After so much time He again came back to Purī and again met with Sārvabhauma Bhaṭṭāchārya again. And at that time Mahāprabhu said to Sārvabhauma, “You know, I just toured the whole of South India, which is famous for religiously advanced people. And I didn’t find a single man like you.”
But Guru Mahārāj said that “Mahāprabhu is indirectly praising Himself.” When He said “I didn’t find a man like you”, yes, after Mahāprabhu created him and turned him into something, upgraded him to His conception, then He says, “No-one that I met, was equal to what you’ve become.” And therefore we say, Mahāprabhu extended the capacity to him by His divine mercy to appreciate this superior substance. Prasāda-leśānugṛhīta eva hi—it’s all about mercy.
jogyatā-vichāre, kichu nāhi pāi,
tomāra koruṇā-sāra
(Śrīla Bhaktivinod Ṭhākur. Gurudeva, 4)
“If you examine me, you will find no qualities. Your mercy is everything to me.”